Meet the Side-Eye Detector™ — a sleek smart-bracelet that gently buzzes, firmly vibrates, or (let's be honest) zaps you the moment your face starts serving screw-face. Fix the scowl before your boss, your mother-in-law, or the waiter clocks it.
Four micro-sensors, one tiny conscience. The Side-Eye Detector™ quietly watches your face, your heart rate, and your eyeball angle — and politely lets you know when you are about to start something.
Our patented FaceMood™ algorithm reads jaw clench, brow furrow, and the universal "are you serious right now" squint.
Your wrist-mate gets the memo in under 200ms. Faster than you can mutter "are you joking".
Three escalating levels. A gentle buzz for a raised eyebrow. A full zap for "the look" you save for slow walkers.
You snap out of it, smile like a functional adult, and nobody files HR paperwork. Everybody wins.
Calibrate the Side-Eye Detector™ to your personal bitch-face baseline. Reformed scowlers can start gentle. Repeat offenders may need commitment.
For: raised eyebrows, mild smirks, the "hmm" face you do at slow Wi-Fi.
A soft haptic nudge, like your wrist clearing its throat. 100% chance your face relaxes. 0% chance you cry in front of HR.
~ 3 mA · feels politeFor: full screw-face, eye-rolls, the deep sigh with direct eye contact.
A noticeable vibration that says "babe, the mask is slipping." Great for family gatherings, performance reviews, and Ubers.
~ 12 mA · feels earnestFor: nuclear side-eye. The one with the slow blink. The "I will remember this forever" special.
A short, sharp pulse. Harmless. Character-building. You will never look at your aunt like that again.
~ 35 mA · feels deservedDetects 17 flavours of scowl, from "disappointed mother" to "tube journey at 8:42am".
Buzz, vibrate, or full zap. You choose your own level of enlightenment.
Pair with up to 5 trusted mates. If they clock your screw-face, they can zap you. Democracy, basically.
Tightens sensitivity during calendar events tagged "1:1 with Karen from Finance".
Weekly reports on your most-scowled-at people. Brutal. Informative. Probably accurate.
Waterproof to 50m. Because sometimes the side-eye happens to a bathroom mirror and that also counts.
Link up to five friends inside the app. When they notice you giving someone the look, they can discreetly tap their phone and — ZZZT! — your wrist reminds you that you're in public.
It's like having a group chat that can physically intervene. Couples therapy not included.
Shock me, I dare you"I didn't realise I was doing the face at my boss until my wrist zapped me mid-presentation. Still got the promotion. 10/10."
"My mother-in-law said 'you look lovely tonight' and my bracelet went off before I even opened my mouth. Marriage saved."
"I gave my group chat full Friend-Shock permissions. I have been zapped 14 times in one brunch. I have never been more polite."
Ships in 48 hours in Electric Pink, Midnight Hex, or Limeade. Charges in 40 minutes. Lasts 9 days per charge, or 3 days if your family is visiting.
Every order includes:
In stock. Usually dispatched in 1 business day. Zap levels configurable after setup.
Depends on the setting. "Gentle" feels like a polite tap from a friend who saw what you just did. "Zinger" feels like cosmic justice. Neither will leave a mark — except on your personality.
Anything from a raised eyebrow to the full "bless your heart" squint. Our Side-Eye AI™ is trained on 2.3 million hours of reality TV and one specific family WhatsApp group.
Yes. You invite up to five. They can trigger a buzz, vibrate, or zap from the companion app. You can revoke access at any time — usually after the first brunch.
Yes. The Side-Eye Detector™ is CE and FCC certified, waterproof, and uses the same low-current haptic tech as clinical-grade wearables. It's designed to get your attention, not your medical records.
You'll need to calibrate during onboarding. The app asks you to make 6 faces on camera so we can learn your neutral — and yes, your neutral may legally qualify as a threat in some cultures. We've got you.
Absolutely. One long-press disables zaps entirely. But once you see the weekly report on how many times you almost started something, you'll turn it back on. They always do.
Over 40,000 people have already outsourced their composure. Join them before your next family dinner, work offsite, or Tesco self-checkout queue.
Grab a Side-Eye Detector™